ironic, isn't it?
how anticlimactic of an end
two years is a long fucking time
for just a phone call, click send

i wanted it to work
i swear to god, its true
i would sit there day dreaming
of what life would be like with you
now its gone, all for nothing
you ruined that part of me
you took my heart
ripped it fully
and kept the pieces i need
its not fair
for you to just leave
leave me here with the mess you created
with the bull shit swirling around me
i tried to fight it
to keep the fury tamed
but if its one thing i know for sure
its that one thing i cant control is rage
i hope you find happiness
i truly do
because obviously it wasn't with me
but then again
was it ever inside you?

you say you see a future
like its something new
like i didn't spend the last two years
picturing the rest of my life with you
funny how i had to push it
to convince you the love was true
like it wasn't more than just a feeling
like i had to convince you to feel it too
it was hard enough when you left
and yet you had no regrets
you were selfish
and i was spiteful
stuck in our own forms of compliant
now here we are
both more alone than ever before
and yet i'm happier
stronger
better
because finally i'm the selfish one
i had to make myself this way
i had to put myself first
i could see how it was effecting me
and the mistakes you made,
they hurt
i tried to forgive
i tried to overlook
but you betrayed my trust, uprooted my love
its was our love your selfishness took

apart

you can say i never loved you
if thats what gives you peace
you can fake like what we had
i didn't want to keep

you can pretend that it didn't happen
put it in the back of your mind
but those memories stay
stagnant
they won't get lost in time

what we had was real
sad it had to end
you were my first love
my first someone
my best friend

we had each other through it all
every mile stone
even the falls
but then you stayed down
and i was trying so hard
to help you up
i kept you up
the load kept getting heavier
and i just wasn't strong enough

and how did that burden get put on me?
how did that become my responsibility
your struggles are your own
why did i let them influence me
i let my heart decide
when really, should've listened to my fucking mind
because now here we are
apart
and its "my fault"
but really it was yours,
from the start

hard to swallow

it is hard for me to face
for me to look back
all i see is the negative ways
your presence affected me

my drive, my focus
all my time spent on you
trying to determine your feelings
to salvage your happiness

i let you twist me
turn me into the wrong
i let you into my heart
my protection of you, so strong

but was it love
or mere want for comfort
a longing for someone
a lustful taste
of what love could be

doubt

did you ever even want me?
or were you just desperately afraid to be alone?