ironic, isn't it?
how anticlimactic of an end
two years is a long fucking time
for just a phone call, click send

i wanted it to work
i swear to god, its true
i would sit there day dreaming
of what life would be like with you
now its gone, all for nothing
you ruined that part of me
you took my heart
ripped it fully
and kept the pieces i need
its not fair
for you to just leave
leave me here with the mess you created
with the bull shit swirling around me
i tried to fight it
to keep the fury tamed
but if its one thing i know for sure
its that one thing i cant control is rage
i hope you find happiness
i truly do
because obviously it wasn't with me
but then again
was it ever inside you?

you say you see a future
like its something new
like i didn't spend the last two years
picturing the rest of my life with you
funny how i had to push it
to convince you the love was true
like it wasn't more than just a feeling
like i had to convince you to feel it too
it was hard enough when you left
and yet you had no regrets
you were selfish
and i was spiteful
stuck in our own forms of compliant
now here we are
both more alone than ever before
and yet i'm happier
stronger
better
because finally i'm the selfish one
i had to make myself this way
i had to put myself first
i could see how it was effecting me
and the mistakes you made,
they hurt
i tried to forgive
i tried to overlook
but you betrayed my trust, uprooted my love
its was our love your selfishness took

apart

you can say i never loved you
if thats what gives you peace
you can fake like what we had
i didn't want to keep

you can pretend that it didn't happen
put it in the back of your mind
but those memories stay
stagnant
they won't get lost in time

what we had was real
sad it had to end
you were my first love
my first someone
my best friend

we had each other through it all
every mile stone
even the falls
but then you stayed down
and i was trying so hard
to help you up
i kept you up
the load kept getting heavier
and i just wasn't strong enough

and how did that burden get put on me?
how did that become my responsibility
your struggles are your own
why did i let them influence me
i let my heart decide
when really, should've listened to my fucking mind
because now here we are
apart
and its "my fault"
but really it was yours,
from the start

hard to swallow

it is hard for me to face
for me to look back
all i see is the negative ways
your presence affected me

my drive, my focus
all my time spent on you
trying to determine your feelings
to salvage your happiness

i let you twist me
turn me into the wrong
i let you into my heart
my protection of you, so strong

but was it love
or mere want for comfort
a longing for someone
a lustful taste
of what love could be

doubt

did you ever even want me?
or were you just desperately afraid to be alone?

leashed

you get defensive
and yet theres facts
I have no motive
yet yours, unlatched

I find it curious
sad, none the less
that someone as coy as yourself
embarrassed to undress

you won't show the flaws
yet are so quick to judge
do you hide your fury under those robes
or is there a deeper cause

lacking ambition
yet snide, to say the least
its hard to imagine your demise
your true feelings, kept on a leash

The Other

It started,
Soft, curious
Sincere, tender
Innocent
As it grew,
so did they
Challenging one another
as well as themselves
But
As one stayed faithful
the other began to drift
Softly
Curiously
One tried to flee
the other, stayed still
Balanced
Eventually, there was a reunion
Sort of, spur of the moment
A wanting
to Touch
to Be
to Remember
This time, there was no subtleness
it came all at once
A train roaring fast
This time both fully on board

Or so she thought.

The Problem With Staying

the ability to stay stagnant

has really become an art

the willingness to settle

to become comfortable,

unable to depart

as people become more open

the ones that stay in the dark

are even more of a nuisance-

not only to themselves,

but to the one's in which they cannot part

Lost at Love

crazy our journey

has come to an end

feels as though i just met you

started as a friend

Tide

i doubt you can relate

as this is a difficult fate to feel

it swallows you whole, and spins you

into a world of hate- its surreal

Craft

i urge you

to unload your troubles

take a load off

with me

Wound Up

but baby it was just enough to feel it, to write it, to make it enticing

to make it hurt to make it burn

to make me want to wait my turn

to make me want to fight

to make me feel like any time is right

i want the love i want the hurt i want it all

i want your drive i want you to see me fall

push me pull me fill me know me

read my faults break my walls

show me what I’m missing

Beyond the Tide

take my heart

ill keep my pride

swallow my love

feed my mind

keep my love

as travel engulfs you

give up your youth

and let the world provide 

In the Making

Look beyond me

past my strives

past my successes

past my inevitable tidal wave of growth and abundance
Yet, such fear
almost a remorse
of the time wasted
Love forsaken
drown in depths of money and greed
taken advantage of
Sunken, indeed

To Bite the Bullet

the problem is, I’m just too quick

too quick to assume

too quick to let my worries turn to truth

my visions come alive

its like i take the worse scienero

and turn it into fate

i want it, i wish it

fight with me, take the bate

i am a realist, with a morbid twist

i see the end so clear

i know all the outcomes, i envision the lies

so there is nothing left to fear

ill keep you distant, but hold you tight

physically ill be there

but in my mind ill plot our demise

id rather run than watch the fire

even if its just a flare